We need to break from generations of slut shaming

Something that I’m very grateful for is a supportive family - one that encourages me to discover different paths of life as a young woman. My South Asian background may suggest otherwise, but my immediate family has always done a good job at making me feel like I can do, say and wear anything. 

It’s common for South Asian relatives to dish out thier unsolicited and judgemental opinions. Some that I’ve personally received have to do with my makeup, accessories and weight.

“Why are you wearing so much make-up?”

“Why do you wear such big hoops?”

My nonchalant nature means I rarely let these comments get to me and my responses are limited to “because I like it” and/or “because I want to.” It never satisfies them but I want to know why those reasons aren't good enough.

I’m not sure some of the older generation realise these comments they make to their daughters or younger female relatives may seem minor and 'come from a place of love', but it can negatively affect us. I realised the true impact of this when a family member received comments from a close female relative, after she’d uploaded pictures on her Instagram from a night out. 

These comments took a dark turn and became slut shaming. They included negative comparisons to sex workers and suggested she attracts the wrong type of attention. Perpetuating the myth that women are to blame when assaulted.

Everything said was judgemental - but there was one particular comment that stayed with me.

“Everyone’s said you’re not the sweet innocent girl you used to be.”

Although the string of messages featured a few “I’m doing this because I care about you”, the former comment confirmed that this wasn’t really the case.

It was disguised as a harmless comment, but meant “people are talking shit about us, so put some clothes on.” The older generation seem to be controlled by others judgement. This is a wider issue within our community. They are nosey - snooping on everyone else’s lives, avoiding their own.

But, the “what will people say?” excuse is not good enough anymore.

These comments can have a serious effect on a young girl’s journey to womanhood. Women have enough prejudice to deal with as it is, so the internalised misogyny that comes from a close family member is unnecessary and regressive. It's damaging to tell a young woman that the way she’s dressing is inappropriate. In order to break through the patriarchal structure in which many of our family dynamics are based upon, the women in the community need to work together and not act as catalysts to the problem.

We can’t always blame our relatives for having regressive views – they’re instilled within them. Many aspects of our culture is beautiful and should be celebrated, but they should also be willing to co-operate and move along with the ever-changing world.

And of course, we’re not going to be the sweet innocent girls we used to be. That's because we’re not eight year old's anymore.

We’re young women learning about ourselves, about others, our bodies and our views. I strongly believe the next generation of women are going to be the most powerful and successful yet. We need our older counterparts as allies, not enemies.